“Soldiers should get footballers wages”

In recent months, I have increasingly noticed a social media trend to demand that soldiers be paid footballers wages:

soldiers footballers

Nobody is quite sure why, but it’s definitely something to do with #respect. I decided to examine what would happen if this became a reality and soldiers really did get footballers wages.  What follows is an alternative vision of the future…

Please note, I am a big supporter of those people brave enough to put their lives on the line in the armed forces. They do a fantastic job that I certainly could not do myself, and certainly deserve a great deal of praise and admiration. Just don’t be a tit about it, eh?

1st September 2013

Gareth Bale completes an £85 million transfer from Tottenham Hotspur to Real Madrid. He will earn £300,000 a week, working out at around £15.6 million a year. 26-year-old Shannon Smith from Grimsby writes on Facebook “I fink it’s disgusting dat Gareth Bale will get paid dat much! It shud be soldiers getting his wages!!!1” Her friend Chardonnay comments “Well sed hun! It’s a joke!!”. The status attracts 17 likes.

Meanwhile, a tweet by @DaveEDL from Luton states “Send Gareth Bale to Iraq!!! He’d earn his money there!!!!” The message earns hundreds of retweets, allowing it to end up on the timeline of Fred Thompson, the MP for Pontypridd in South Wales. Fred has never yet been brave enough to speak in parliament, with his only political highlight so far being the time he offered David Cameron a Wine Gum.  However, the popularity of the campaign to give soldiers footballers wages gives Fred an idea…

7th September 2013

After mentally preparing himself all week, Fred Thompson proposes to parliament that the 205,330 active British soldiers and the 181,720 reserve personnel have their wages increased to £100,000 a week.  It is pointed out to Fred that this would cost the British taxpayer an additional £2,012,660,000,000 a year. With around 35 million income tax payers in the UK, for the plan to work every UK taxpayer would have to stump up an extra £57,504 a year. Thompson has prepared for this, and unleashes his secret weapon. He draws the attention of the room to a large computer screen. “I know” he says “I was dubious as well lads. But just LOOK how many people have joined this Facebook group…”

A gasp goes around the chamber. “Soldiers are da real heroes, give them footballers wages” has over 100,000 likes. Nick Clegg and David Cameron look at each other. With an election coming up, an extra 100,000 votes could make all the difference. Not to mention the good publicity…

A debate is called for the following week.

14th September 2013

The 650 MP’s for England and Wales vote by a margin of 408 – 242 to raise soldiers wages to match those of footballers. A week of campaigning from the yes vote supporters had seen #PayOurTroops become the top trending topic on Twitter, while outdoing even Justin Bieber’s new haircut. The ‘Don’t be a tit’ campaign from those opposed to the vote attracts little support. From January 1st 2014, soldiers will be paid £100,000 a week.

2nd December 2013

Police have to be called to several army recruitment centres, as the queues of those who want to enlist stretch as far as the eye can see.

1st January 2014

A day of national celebration ensues across the land as the pay increase becomes official. Finally soldiers have got the #respect they deserve, this will show those nasty footballers! Anybody who speaks out to question the huge tax increase is derided as a traitor and told to leave the country if they don’t like it.  This is an option many choose to take, with thousands avoiding the tax hike by moving abroad.

8th January 2014

Wayne Rooney puts in an official transfer request to David Moyes, stating that he sees his future away from Manchester United. The only people able to match his wage requirements are the army, leading Rooney to join the infantry. He is reprimanded on his first day of training for asking his sergeant if they’d be finished in time for Jeremy Kyle, as well as holding his gun the wrong way round. A recently recruited soldier from the Netherlands greatly outperforms Rooney in combat training, causing him to drop out after a matter of weeks. Wayne returns home to Merseyside, opening a kebab shop. It is the first time he has been happy at work for seven years.

1st February 2014

The first tax deductions to pay for the increased wages of soldiers are made, an extra £4,792 each. With the average salary in the United Kingdom around £21,000, this leaves many people actually earning minus amounts. There are mass walkouts across the country, with yet more people heading to the airports to start a new life abroad. Tommy Robinson of the EDL tweets a picture of the queues outside London Luton stating “Bye traitors!!!”

23rd June 2014

The population of the United Kingdom has shrunk by several million, with tax refugees heading all over the world. This reduction in the number of taxpayers means those who remain are forced to pay even greater amounts.  A small number of protests against the government break out, but are quickly controlled by the army and their gold-plated rifles.

1st August 2014

The poverty suffered by the nation has seen football crowds drop rapidly, with very few people able to afford a ticket. Sky drops out of covering the Premier League, instead launching four new channels covering the army. Sky War provides a great deal of sponsorship to cover excursions to Iraq and Afghanistan exclusively live . Some of the most popular and successful regiments have their mission start times changed to 1pm on a Sunday, to maximise the potential audience.

sky war

The money brought in from this Sky deal allows taxes to be significantly reduced, increasing the popularity of the army further still. Many children can be seen wearing replica uniforms with the names of their favourite troops on the back. Meanwhile, many Premier League football clubs go into administration.

17th October 2014

Fred Thompson becomes Prime Minister of the United Kingdom as a result of his overwhelming popularity  He declares that his next project is to find a way to turn Facebook likes into a cure for cancer.

23rd May 2015

Leeds United win the Premier League, following the collapse of more than half of professional football clubs in Britain. Top scorer Luke Varney asks for a new contract, but is told “If you want those kind of wages, join the army!”.

24th May 2015

Heavily backed by popular fanzine Stand Against Modern Soldiers, a new social media campaign begins, stating “Footballers deserve soldiers wages”….

1st October 2015

Sky War put heavy pressure on the government to enter new conflicts, explaining that the public wanted to see the top forces test themselves at the highest level. Prime Minister Thompson initially refuses, but following sustained pressure from Rupert Murdoch gives in and announces that the fans deserve to see their troops test themselves at the highest level, declaring war on Russia.

30 minutes later on 1st October 2015

The United Kingdom is almost completely destroyed by a colossal Russian attack. Pundits bemoan the lack of home-grown talent, with the foreign troops attracted to the country by the inflated wages  holding England back at an international level. From his nuclear bunker, Alan Hansen describes the defending of the coast as “diabolical”, while The Sun prints a picture of the British Field Marshall as a turnip.

Survivors watch Gary Neville analyse where it all went wrong on a giant iPad, nodding sagely to each other about the possession and shot accuracy success statistics on show. “Eh lads, I reckon this never would have happened if we didn’t give soldiers footballers wages, you know” says one.

He is executed.

23rd June 2045

The United Kingdom has failed to win a war for over 30 years. The grandchildren of David Baddiel and Frank Skinner release “War is coming home” ahead of the latest battle, but a penalty bombout defeat to the unfancied but well-organised Romanians sends the English home early again. Aldershot win the Premier League for the 12th time in a row, bankrolled by a group of wealthy soldiers from the nearby barracks.

The End

Tune in next week for my next imagined football scenario, which looks at what would happen if the FA was run by a load of utterly inept idiots, totally out of touch with the average fan. Hang on a minute…

Posted on September 8, 2013, in General. Bookmark the permalink. 213 Comments.

  1. An army full of millionaires, wouldn’t that be a little expensive? 😛

    • @lordsofthedrinks
      That is literally the entire point of the article you dolt.

    • People are extremely cruel and foolish nowadays. A mentally healthy person would never wish a single penny to the army/weapon industry that kills thousands a year profiting on war. Everyone who voluntarily becomes a soldier is affected by a sick system. Football on the other hand is the joy of the people. Through football people can change societies, and a big footballer with the right values can have huge positive influence on people. The army does not have good influence on humanity, why wish them any money at all? Fucken tards..

      • Excellent point actually…. Here are 11 players with the right values of whom I hope had/have a strong influence on people! 😉


      • You sir….are a moron. Without any form of resilience, we would be wide open for any full frontal attack from a multitude of countries that despise us. The British Army isn’t there to ‘invade’ and ‘ransack’ countries; it’s there to install some form of order and to aid other parts of the world that are less fortunate than our selves, or are a potential threat to us and the rest of the world. This therefore makes you a royal fucktard.

      • I’d take that as a compliment. Being seen as a moron in this lunatic place called the civilization can only mean that you’re actually the sane one. Capitalism has fucked up football and is right now fucking other countries such as Syria in the ass where the civilians have to pay the biggest price. While you are bragging about the army 12 yrs old kids are shot in the back of their heads by weapons provides by western countries. It’s important to realize that the military industry is just that, an industry. Therefore it is even more important to encourage some sort of movement where everyone should just refuse to use guns, simply because its madness that guns even exist. If only a few bunch of soliders puts down their rifles and start some kind of chain reaction it could have a big effect in the long run. Sure its naive and just hypothetical but the power of love is the greatest power, and through football people connect and make their voices heard. We need to save football from the hands of capitalism since it’s the true religion and power of the people.

      • What about Sierra Leone and Kosovo

  2. This is the best thing I’ve read in all my life.

  3. Excellent piece, you’ve gained a fan!

  4. If soldiers got footballers wages, this country will be bankrupt by tomorrow morning.

    So soldiers would end up with no wages at all.

    Thesepeople are just deluded…

  5. Football is a business. Idiots can’t comprehend this

    • I’m guessing you’re defending footballers wages with your comment?! However, war is a business but the players are asked to put their lives on the line for 25 grand a year. There’s something wrong here……

      • No these people are not “asked to put their lives on the line”.
        They join voluntarily. You see the difference? It’s a job, not an obligation.

      • they are asked to kill people who were asked to kill people. war is a playground, and soldiers are the toys. if nobody would volunteer to fight, there would be no war.

      • Yes, soldiers are to put their lives on the line for £25,000 a year, but, they sign up to do that. No one has forced them into that job, after all, it is just a job. It’s no different than people who work a job for minimum wage, they chose to do so. Rather than blaming footballers for their wage, a wage which I agree isn’t earned by them at all, why not blame the people in our country that choose to buy all new footballing merchandise or tickets to games? Why not tell those people to donate their money to ‘help for heroes’ istead? (Maybe because it’s their money, that they have earned through their minimum wage job that they chose to do)?
        The only people that should be blamed for footballers outrageous wages is in fact, us.

      • most people forget something, soldiers have free accommodation (barracks) and free food, and are basically free of tax while they are deployed, and if they are single without a family, they don’t really need to spend money on anything as they get all they need while deployed, so 25k a year with nothing to spend it on isn’t that bad tbh

      • I’m ex forces and that last comment is absolutely wrong, most soldiers now pay for food and accommodation unless overseas, although these things are subsidised there is a HUGE lack of things to do on barracks, so the money saved purely goes on venturing out almost every night to find things to do other than sitting in a room usually alone. You get these subsidised rent and food because the majority of servicemen live no where near there hometown and pay ridiculous amounts to travel home at weekends. It’s a very tough and very often lonely life to live

      • Also…25k??? I had only just reached 17K after 4 years service.. on a higher pay band after serving in Iraq Somalia and Libya

      • aka_AngryGoose

        who is the f@#king retard who said we don’t pay tax while deployed!!!!!! Or we don’t pay rent and we get free food!!!! You sir are a f@#king cum stain you know nothing of what we do and what we go through not to mention how much our government HEAVILY taxes us through stealth taxes your a dribbler mate I suggest you do your homework before you continue to make yourself look like a raf reg recruit you moron

    • football is a game not a life changing job .

  6. invisiblelightbulb

    Reblogged this on Gooneropinions and commented:
    hilarious stuff

  7. this article could not be more true. on what planet would a public sector job ever be able to match the wages of a private sector business such as football, where Russian/Arab billionaires can afford to pay out millions of pounds each year out of their own pockets? (and not to mention fans pockets, but that’s neither here nor there). anyone who lacks enough brain cells to think otherwise would do well to remember that Russian billionaires do not pay army wages!!

  8. Il throw it out there… Many people in the army (like many footballers) are scum and have chose the army as a last resort due to wrecking their education. Like i said many not all, this minority will join the army for the hard look image and know they will receive far more money in the army than picking litter or working in the sewers, they join the army as the recruitment make it out to be fun. I think the hero image of soldiers is thrown out there a bit too easy as it is such a minority of them who deserve this image, and the financial reward which is talked about so frequently.

    • How is that, when some jobs require a degree?

    • That comment on it’s own means you are scum, uneducated and quite clearly lack a lot of life experience, whilst a minority do (run away to the army) the vast majority that did struggle through life and ruin their education also have something that in my experience A LOT of people with degrees don’t have, which is common sense, respect, courage and the all important life experience. Many don’t agree with many wars that our country involve ourselves in and I am one of those people..however if we didn’t have an armed force we would be defenceless. I’m left wing but even I have the common sense to know that religious war, egotistical dictators and power greedy country’s would destroy us as soon as our guard is down. As well as being left wing I also served 4 years in the military from the age of 17, although I don’t agree with a lot of what our government does there is also much good that our armed forces do by helping thousands of people. Serving in the military taught me to respect others, self discipline, I helped rebuild schools and fed hungry children. Soldiers do NOT get paid well enough, soldiers do pay for accommodation and food, soldiers do get taxed at home and overseas and the majority of soldiers live in conditions that are worse than prison. People need to think before having a cowardly cheap shot at our service personnel and take a look at the government instead. People like you are the type that if this country were to come under attack, you would be the sort to run and hide to let the “scum” that you call soldiers fight for your freedom.

      Peace out you moronic tosspot.

  9. You sire should be Knighted ….. exceptionally goo, cracked.me.up big.time
    (Y) 🙂

  10. And after this story is when the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four starts.

  11. Billy The Skid

    It’s not a footballers fault that there is so much money in the sport. FORTUNATELY for them, they have excelled in a career that is very difficult to become the best in and they also earn a lot of their money from sponsors…
    Yes, Soldiers risk their life on a day to day basis and do great things but giving them all a footballers wage would come straight out the tax payers money, Do footballers wages come from tax payers money?

    A man working on train tracks risks his life, should he also get a footballers wage? Are soldiers risking their life for a just cause or are they glorified murderers following orders from powerful morons? Hm.

    • “Yes, Soldiers risk their life on a day to day basis and do great things but giving them all a footballers wage would come straight out the tax payers money, Do footballers wages come from tax payers money?”

      Wow, that ALMOST looks like you read the EXACT same article as everyone else. Creepy.

      • Do you pay taxes? Do you pay for cable? You pay both either you like it or not! So I hope the football team will save you when the war comes!

  12. You got too much time on your hands, soldiers know much much they get paid before they join up. (im in the military btw)

    • Where did I say this was aimed at soldiers? It’s aimed at the idiots who make such claims without thinking about the consequences. I know soldiers don’t want this much money, they want to serve their country.

    • For the love of God please could idiots on the internet stop commenting their opinion on articles they couldn’t even be bothered to read. Dumb doesn’t even cut it.

  13. First class stuff. Next, nurses demand the same wages as fashion models.

  14. I can’t think of better comments than those above. It’s as if they were written by actors! Life, um, imitating life?

  15. What bugs me, is why these people moaning about how high footballers’ wages are, never questions the millions actors will get for a single film. Or actors such as Charlie Sheen who was being £1,000,000 per episode! Now that’s ridiculous.
    Footballers provide the highest watched entertainment on the planet, so their sky-high wages don’t bother me at all.

    • There’s a slight difference in having an acting talent or being comedic than being a brainless moron kicking a piece of leather around a field. Football is the most mind numbingly boring excuse for entertainment and is driven along by even more brainless morons who fork out the extortionate prices to watch it. Their wages are astronomically unjustified.

      • How are they not justified? These “morons” are paying for their wages through ticket sales and merchandise because they enjoy watching the sport.

        Are the people who go to the cinema, rent movies, pay for television, go to music concerts or buy albums also morons for putting money into something they enjoy? A lot of the actors and musicians involved also get massive amounts of money for what they do; but only the ones at the top are making so much that they can retire after 15 years in the business, just like in football.

        The exact same thing happens in the army, the people at the top (generals etc.) get massively inflated wages and have a nice healthy retirement, whereas the people in the lower echelons, (equivalent in importance to the left back for Carlisle United) will likely do their stint in the forces and then move onto other work.

        That’s the main problem with people who make this comparison; they’re comparing the squaddies that they’re wives, husbands, friends and relatives of, to the top paid players in football. If they compared themselves to the ranked equivalent in the sport, I bet they’d find that the wages weren’t all that much different.

  16. Not for one minute saying that footballers deserve the wages they get, but I also feel embarrassed when I read the right wing hate filled EDL comments. I have a real problem with some proportion of my taxes going towards the army… On wars that the majority of the country do not agree with and yet have no choice but to fund, British and American soldiers have been found guilty of torture and killing innocent people (Yes It’s a minority). Would have no issue with my money going towards ‘defence’.. but when your entering a country illegally and trying to impose your way of life on them, It Isn’t defence It’s arrogance, In many ways we live in the best country In the world where I’ve got the right to voice this opinion and where different cultures can (to an extent) live In peace, but our past of invading and trying to impose our way of life on other people Isn’t to be proud of and we’re still doing It! It just leads towards more hate and hostility towards us, the comment about doctors and nurses I agree with, they are real heroes. Also people chose to go to football matches…football doesn’t kill innocent people (cept the odd tragedy) they fund the players wages… we have no say In funding war, everything we do contributes to the arms race.

    • Don’t blame the soldiers blame the government I mean they signed up to protect the country and become heroes that’s what they want to do it’s not their fault that the government makes them do things if they choose not to go to war they go to prison so I mean it’s really not their fault they just want to save the
      world. football players just play a game sleep around with any girl that approaches them have so many kids around catch diseases and take a ball across the field they’re not doing anything that’s so entertaining and they live in Mansions they don’t even deserve.

    • You have a say when you vote in the general election, the greens want to reduce funding to the army and relocate it to health and education. Where it is needed.

  17. That has got to be the biggest waste of time I have ever seen, putting that much effort into writing a story based on a severely warped understanding of the idea behind “Give soldiers footballer’s wages” – how stupid do you have to be to think the above is actually what people want? No, clearly the interpretation should be a literal one: give soldiers footballer’s wages –> take all the excessive wages from footballers, perhaps introduce a percentage cap (95% on everything > 40k, which is still a better salary than many receive), and share the money out among our active overseas soldiers.
    Call me what you want, earning too much money is immoral and should never be pursued – if one person has alot, then another person doesn’t have enough.

    • Earning too much money is immoral??? What a ridiculous comment. Where would you personally draw the line at what is ‘too much’ then? It is how you earn it or what you do with it that could be immoral

    • So in your scenario footballers will be earning less, saving their billionaire employers money on the wage bill. World class footballers promptly leave the country to earn better money. A now crippled sport has nobody watching because all the decent players have left, so those billionaire owners shut shop and leave too. Now there is no football in the UK.

      Congrats, you’ve just cost the economy millions of pounds.

    • Over 80% of the world population lives on less than 10 US$/day. According to a report in 2009. I can almost GUARANTEE you earn more than 10US$/day so take your immoral money earning argument and donate most of your comparatively extortionate wealth to those with less. You’re not willing, are you?

    • Oh dear indeed. No words to how un-thought out this statement is. Haha.

    • Ah communism.

    • and what about nurses, teachers, fire fighters, police officers, waste disposal men etc and other men and women who work in industries that are actually vital to the day to day running of Britain? Get these funded by millionaires from Dubai so that they can get a healthy profit from all of these lucrative…

      Oh wait, that’s why there isn’t as much money in the NHS as there is in football. Because it’s not PROFITABLE. Oh yeah!

    • I hear China and Cuba are nice this time if year. You’d fit in well 🙂

  18. This is bullshit! Even in a war-torn post-apocalyptic universe Leeds United would still be pipped at the post by I dunno, Dynamo Leamington or someone.

  19. Brilliant! While I do agree that footballers wages are astronomically high, fans buying tickets & merchandise, corporate sponsorship deals, tv companies and oil tycoons dictate the budget allocated to their salaries. If any of those were to decide the players weren’t worth it, they’re not under any obligation to continue funding them.
    I could say people like Miley Cyrus and the members of One Direction earn more than they’re worth (and more than a top footballer of the same age), but it’s not me buying their music or gig tickets so I’ve no right to complain.

  20. Anybody could become to train to be a soldier, they wouldn’t even need a good level of education. A footballer however comes along very rarely and it is the clubs that pay them.

    • I think you need to check your facts. The military use to let anyone in times have changed most people can’t pass the physical, mental nor intellectual exam to get into the military. Only the strong survive! Hoorah! Ducking and dodging with a ball to get to the other side?! Since when is that a talent? Try ducking and dodging bombs and bullets for your life? I bet you couldn’t make it in Iraq for 5 minutes nor could most of those football players!

  21. Reblogged this on xboxblogspot.

  22. I think ‘da’ problem is not with ‘da’ footballers, but an alarmingly increasing number of people who’s intelligence and command of basic human skills is closer to the super-chimp level. The scary thing is people like Plato lived many hundreds of years ago, and yet they still stand so very far apart from one of today’s many zeros. And today, there are MANY.

  23. Thank you for this article. I’m in stitches. Did David Cameron accept the Wine Gum though?

  24. “Wayne returns home to Merseyside, opening a kebab shop. It is the first time he has been happy at work for seven years.” Hahahaha… funniest thing I have read in ages.

  25. calling a footballer a hero what a joke ,try facing a machine gun far away from friend and family on a basic wage for queen and country .over paid over pampered footballers who have forgot there roots should hang there heads in shame every time a casualty or body is returned to these shores, 90 minutes work a week lets get real ,pay the real hero what they deserve.

    • I don’t think this article was aimed at people like you to be honest, Percy.

      • I don’t think footballers are responsible for sending the country’s armed forces into pointless and futile wars. If anyone should hang their heads in shame every time a body is returned to the UK, it’s the politicians who send them out there. Anyone else remember the look on Blair’s face when Reg Keys made his speech at the Sedgefield count? Nearest the guy ever came to looking ashamed of anything.

        Oh, and great article by the way. The fact that the idea became so popular just illustrates how some morons will repost anything they think sound good, without bothering to stop and consider whether it would actually be practical.

      • I feel some discrimination! It’s public for all to read. Remember freeDom what the soldiers fight for not your lovely football players do. Tight Capri wearing ass ugh!

  26. Reblogged this on THE GUNNER.

  27. This is really good!! It was just what I was looking for when I was doing my homework on footballers wages. Should they get paid this much? I showed the teacher the link because I thought it was halarious and there was a massive debate. I mainly think England in general would go poor without football because we wouldnt have tourists.

  28. This is not a funny post. How ignorant. The reason they don’t get paid more is so that the government can control them; where they live, what they eat, what time they come home. If they were to make millions they wouldn’t need the army they would be able to live on a beach in a mansion everything paid for not having to worry about war this is why the military doesn’t get paid more for government control. We are all made to believe it’s because our taxes would go up bs! The government controls that too. We are like pawns in their game!

  29. Amazing!

  30. You can’t sit here and bad mouth Footballers about there wage, if soldiers were to be payed as much as Footballers 90% of the country would join the army work for 2 years then leave.

    it’s not like Footballers are being payed by the government its just a massive business that people put there money into for example, shirt sales, tickets and advertisements.

    Lastly if they were to be payed as much us Footballers there would be something crazy like ,200,200,000,000 worth of tax, so who’s going to pay that?

  31. I am a member of the Armed Forces and would never ever say we should get Footballer’s wages. However we should get wages which are in line with how much a civilian doing the same job gets. I am an Aircraft Engineer earning circa £20,000 a year. A civilian Aircraft Engineer earns an average of about £60,000 a year, not to mention the added pressure we have of working in a high intensity environment like Camp Bastion. Not asking for footballers wages by any means.

  32. ‘Alan Hansen describes the defending of the coast as “diabolical”’ was my favorite bit.

  33. Voice of Reason

    Can I please make an observation that is often ignored- the Armed Forces are more than just the Army. Can we please pay respect to all those who put their lives at risk for us as opposed to just the ones who are doing the most eye-catching work?

    Take the Navy for example- 98% of our trade comes and goes by sea, the vast majority travels through very vulnerable sea lanes (Somalia etc). Given that international experts agree if the Navy did not do what it does, British trade would shut down and the UK would be reduced to a state worse than World War II rationing, how about showing respect for those who put their lives at risk and spend months away from their loved ones so we can live our lives with our loved ones in material wealth? Not to mention the role of the Royal Marines, who are also part of the Naval Service.

    I’m not saying don’t respect the Army, but don’t disrespect the other two services by pretending the Army is the only service that counts.

  34. This is clearly not a serious article I get that, but nevertheless you’ve used it to sidestep the teal issue. Obviously very few people actually expect soldiers to be paid tens or hundreds of millions of pounds a year. The principle however, is what you have addressed. What most people really want instead is for footballers to be far less, closer to the sums nurses or soldiers are paid and for people who are out on the front line saving lives, raising our countries children or defending our country, like nurses, firemen, paramedics, teachers, or soldiers to be paid more than they are. It’s disgusting how little some people in these professions get paid, even more so when compared to the amount that people get for kicking a ball around… (Or, for having their heavily auto-tuned voice put on an album whose cover features a heavily photoshopped version of them)
    All you’ve done in this argument is painfully drag out the blindingly obvious fact that of the government suddenly decided to pay soldiers £100000+ per week, the economy would be crippled and the country would fall apart.

    • Search any form of social media for ‘soldiers should get footballers wages’ or ‘soldiers should swap wages with footballers’ and get back to me. There are thousands of people who actually believe this exact thing. Apologies for sidestepping the teal issue however, I think it’s a very underrated colour and should be far more popular than the likes of brown and orange.

      • Ha, teal is a great colour… Anyway, yes, but I think the reasons behind it are all to do with the massive injustice between the pay of these groups of people and whilst it would be nice to imagine people actually doing something useful getting paid loads of money, the majority of people in groups like that are there because they disagree with the massive contrast in pay. Even amongst the few who do genuinely think every soldier should be paid millions of pound, if you just explained simply (not in a ridiculously long, over the top, rambling story) why it’s not at all financially feasible they would turn round and say “oh in that case, fine, I no longer care what soldiers get paid, and footballers totally deserve all the money they get”. Most would continue to say that footballers should be paid less, people who have more use to society should be paid more.

    • That’s the thing though, our government dictates how much our soldiers get paid because we pay taxes and fund it.

      None of our taxes go towards football, it’s all paid for through ticket sales, merchandising, tv contracts etc. etc. So the price for footballers is set by its popularity.

      By asking for footballers to be paid less is to ask people to stop supporting something they enjoy; which is silly. We can’t take money away from something we didn’t actually put money into in the first place.

      Also, we need to stop this notion that all footballers get £100,000 per week; it’s only the players at the top getting that ridiculous wage, because they’re the best at the sport and can demand it because the paying fans of their team demands results, so money is invested in achieving those results to keep the fans attending and supporting the club.

      Compare the wages of the top flight fully professional footballers with those who play in League 2 and you’ll get a similar wage disparity as you would comparing the generals to the privates in the military.

      You can’t reasonably compare the two because they’re funded via completely different means and one is paid for by people who like it and the other is paid for regardless of whether or not we like it.

  35. C’mon now, let’s be realistic… there is never all MPs voting unless it is to do with the money they earn so that vote is seriously miscalculated,

  36. Reblogged this on That's Life! and commented:
    I wanted to write something about this but couldn’t have done it better!!

  37. I completely agree with the blog, and it is true that football is funded pretty much by rich foreigners and sponsorship anyway – shown even more so by the £5.4bn that Sky and BT have just put forward for Premier League TV rights from 2016!!

    I would however like to make the point that only the top or greedy footballers earn £100,000+ a week. The average earning of Premier League footballers (not that it is much better) earn £30,000 a week. So with this being the average, some/a lot are still earning £80,000 a year to play football at the highest level – some teachers and doctors and presumably higher ranking soldiers will earn more than this!

    If footballers didn’t make the money that they do – and thinking that their wage comes primarily through foreign billionaires and billions of pounds worth of sponsorship anyway – we would have to pay more in tax!! Think about it… a footballer earns £30,000 a week… that’s going to be at least £12,000 a week in tax paid to HMRC, which in turn makes them pay more tax in a week than what my currently annual salary is!!

  38. A massive point missed here, there are far FAR more military personnel than there are professional footballers, so split between the whole of the UK military it’s just a bit of a pay rise. As an ex military man myself I would have taken that for the ridiculous tasks and hours put in for less than what an assistant manager earns at McDonald’s. To the ducks that are pretty much calling military personnel murderers, majority of people that volunteers are between the ages of 16 and 21 with no political knowledge or life experience. Don’t hate the guys that could be sacrificing their lives for what they believe at the time is for the freedom of yours you closed minded dull tossers

    • This isn’t an article in response to people claiming ‘Give soldiers a bit of a payrise’ though Ben, is it? There are genuinely people out there who think they should be earning 100k a week, as clearly demonstrated in the opening paragraph.

      • Oh I know that, and I find the article really clever. Just making a small point directed at the people commenting that have no idea what they are talking about, not the article

      • Oh I know that, and I find the article really clever. Just making a small point directed at the people commenting that have no idea what they are talking about, not the article

  39. Footballers aren’t people they are business assets. They are paid ridiculous amounts of money to deliver success on the pitch and bring more money into the club. If they were on soldiers wages it could be seen as exploitative.

  40. Reblogged this on Freudian Slippers and commented:
    This is a brilliant skewering of a ridiculous stance.

  41. Because killing, maiming and raping is highly demanding job

  42. I totally agree that soldiers shouldn’t get the same wages but just wanted to check if you’d calculated the tax income from the soldiers themselves?

  43. At one point saying that ticket prices pay wages… not true at all below the premier league almost all clubs are propped up by their owners or survive on the bread line if not. The gap between premier league and championship wages alone is disgusting when these players are earning more a week than some people will earn in a lifetime.

  44. I’m in the Army, the pay is not bad. I couldn’t give two shits what footballers get paid but I do agree that the pay should increase.
    To subsidise our pay, immigration should decrease, foreign immigrants who commit crimes should be deported, benefits should be greatly reduced for the majority of lazy sponges that can’t be bothered to get themselves a job. And most importantly, people who set up bank accounts in foreign countries whilst they profit from owning a business to evade tax should have it mandatory to be taxed the same.
    Problem solved?

    • That seems fair… while we’re at it, why not steal from the poor? Let’s take away all the pensions and give them to unfortunate oil magnates who definitely have no vested interest in where troops are sent.

    • How would decreasing immigration allow you to subsidise your pay? On a whole immigrants pay a lot more money in taxes than they take out, and although cheap foreign labour might be suppressing wages in certain industries, yours is definitely not one of them.

  45. Reblogged this on Heisenbird and commented:
    This is absolutely wonderful.

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